The Absence of Pain Does Not Mean You’re Healing

Real healing is uncomfortable. It’s painful. We convince ourselves we’re healing when we’re really just avoiding pain.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

There’s an inherent paradox in healing: to heal, you have to endure more pain.

We understand that when it comes to physical injuries — scabs itch when they heal, you get stronger by tearing muscle, after the initial period of immobilization, you heal a sprained ankle by moving it. That shit hurts. It’s uncomfortable. But we heal on the other side of that discomfort.

The same is true of emotional injury — you heal a broken heart by putting it out there again, not closing it off, you beat depression by dragging your ass out of bed when you don’t want to, and you overcome social anxiety by exposing yourself to awkward small talk.

But emotional healing has a curious characteristic: we fool ourselves into thinking we’re healing when we’re really just avoiding pain.

And the absence of pain does not mean you’re healing.

Are You Caught in the Healing Trap?

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