Friends Are People Who Will Suffer With You

Building Community and Strengthening Social Bonds Through Ritualized Suffering

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

I’ve got a theory about why our friendships fade as we get older. It’s not any of the reasons we say — work, family, a natural consequence of growing up and getting your own life. It’s because we stopped suffering together.

At some point, we started to think that friendships were built on shared interests. But interest often defaults to the lowest common denominator. That’s probably why I don’t hear from my College drinking buddies anymore. Easy come, easy go.

But, I have connections in my life that haven’t faded — those friendships I built in the Army. They were forged in the smoldering heat of 120 Degree days, sealed with sweat, and hardened by hardship. They lasted because they were built on a foundation of suffering.

I miss those connections. I want more of them. So, I started inviting my friends to suffer with me again.

The Town That Walks on Fire

There’s a little town in Spain called San Pedro Manrique where, as far back as anyone can remember, they’ve been walking on fire. On the Summer Solstice, residents trickle into a 3,000-seat amphitheater to watch the ceremony. It’s filled with…